How do you normalize a taboo custom in a setting that most readers would not agree with?

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This setting' world is populated by witch covens that function as both royal houses and political entities. They are matriarchial, with witches had the head of families who directly control their houses and have indirect control over smaller branch clans. The concept of marriage works very differently from our world. Instead of marrying individuals, it is the practice of many houses for males marry into an entire clan. In other countries, exogamy is the norm, where individuals are chosen to concieve a child together while remaining in their birth clan. A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.



In our world, the concept of the nuclear household is the most stable form of family. Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful. However, this world sees things in a different light. Having multiple kids by different men are encouraged because it adds more genes to the pool and builds relationships with other houses in the form of alliances, trade deals, etc.



This is a radical departure from most cultures but is a big part of the setting. How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?










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  • 4




    check out some Ursula K Le Guin stories
    – Anentropic
    yesterday






  • 13




    This is not as radical in SFF settings as you seem to think - the differently-tabooed society is practically a trope on its own. Just do it. If you feel the need for an explanation vehicle you can have an older member of the society lecturing younger ones on the correct behaviour.
    – pjc50
    yesterday






  • 4




    The nuclear family appeared fairly late in human history, and is an inefficient way of raising children. Its only function is to (try to) connect paternity to resources spent on or inherited by children, so a matriarchal society that still has nuclear families would make no sense.
    – Simon Richter
    yesterday







  • 3




    Examples: line marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress; assigned mating pairs with weak connections to kids in The Just City.
    – Monica Cellio♦
    yesterday










  • To be clear, in your world you have two family structures that are not common in our world. 1. In the witch country, you have the whole clan marriage. (I assume this means that once married into a clan, the guy could father children with anyone in the clan?) 2. Elsewhere there is no marriage, or if there is it is not a defining feature of a family. Instead people have children with whomever they deem appropriate. In both cases the children belong to the household of the mother's clan and are raised by that clan with male role models not being their biological father but all males of the clan.
    – Mr.Mindor
    15 hours ago














up vote
13
down vote

favorite












This setting' world is populated by witch covens that function as both royal houses and political entities. They are matriarchial, with witches had the head of families who directly control their houses and have indirect control over smaller branch clans. The concept of marriage works very differently from our world. Instead of marrying individuals, it is the practice of many houses for males marry into an entire clan. In other countries, exogamy is the norm, where individuals are chosen to concieve a child together while remaining in their birth clan. A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.



In our world, the concept of the nuclear household is the most stable form of family. Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful. However, this world sees things in a different light. Having multiple kids by different men are encouraged because it adds more genes to the pool and builds relationships with other houses in the form of alliances, trade deals, etc.



This is a radical departure from most cultures but is a big part of the setting. How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?










share|improve this question

















  • 4




    check out some Ursula K Le Guin stories
    – Anentropic
    yesterday






  • 13




    This is not as radical in SFF settings as you seem to think - the differently-tabooed society is practically a trope on its own. Just do it. If you feel the need for an explanation vehicle you can have an older member of the society lecturing younger ones on the correct behaviour.
    – pjc50
    yesterday






  • 4




    The nuclear family appeared fairly late in human history, and is an inefficient way of raising children. Its only function is to (try to) connect paternity to resources spent on or inherited by children, so a matriarchal society that still has nuclear families would make no sense.
    – Simon Richter
    yesterday







  • 3




    Examples: line marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress; assigned mating pairs with weak connections to kids in The Just City.
    – Monica Cellio♦
    yesterday










  • To be clear, in your world you have two family structures that are not common in our world. 1. In the witch country, you have the whole clan marriage. (I assume this means that once married into a clan, the guy could father children with anyone in the clan?) 2. Elsewhere there is no marriage, or if there is it is not a defining feature of a family. Instead people have children with whomever they deem appropriate. In both cases the children belong to the household of the mother's clan and are raised by that clan with male role models not being their biological father but all males of the clan.
    – Mr.Mindor
    15 hours ago












up vote
13
down vote

favorite









up vote
13
down vote

favorite











This setting' world is populated by witch covens that function as both royal houses and political entities. They are matriarchial, with witches had the head of families who directly control their houses and have indirect control over smaller branch clans. The concept of marriage works very differently from our world. Instead of marrying individuals, it is the practice of many houses for males marry into an entire clan. In other countries, exogamy is the norm, where individuals are chosen to concieve a child together while remaining in their birth clan. A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.



In our world, the concept of the nuclear household is the most stable form of family. Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful. However, this world sees things in a different light. Having multiple kids by different men are encouraged because it adds more genes to the pool and builds relationships with other houses in the form of alliances, trade deals, etc.



This is a radical departure from most cultures but is a big part of the setting. How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?










share|improve this question













This setting' world is populated by witch covens that function as both royal houses and political entities. They are matriarchial, with witches had the head of families who directly control their houses and have indirect control over smaller branch clans. The concept of marriage works very differently from our world. Instead of marrying individuals, it is the practice of many houses for males marry into an entire clan. In other countries, exogamy is the norm, where individuals are chosen to concieve a child together while remaining in their birth clan. A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.



In our world, the concept of the nuclear household is the most stable form of family. Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful. However, this world sees things in a different light. Having multiple kids by different men are encouraged because it adds more genes to the pool and builds relationships with other houses in the form of alliances, trade deals, etc.



This is a radical departure from most cultures but is a big part of the setting. How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?







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asked yesterday









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  • 4




    check out some Ursula K Le Guin stories
    – Anentropic
    yesterday






  • 13




    This is not as radical in SFF settings as you seem to think - the differently-tabooed society is practically a trope on its own. Just do it. If you feel the need for an explanation vehicle you can have an older member of the society lecturing younger ones on the correct behaviour.
    – pjc50
    yesterday






  • 4




    The nuclear family appeared fairly late in human history, and is an inefficient way of raising children. Its only function is to (try to) connect paternity to resources spent on or inherited by children, so a matriarchal society that still has nuclear families would make no sense.
    – Simon Richter
    yesterday







  • 3




    Examples: line marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress; assigned mating pairs with weak connections to kids in The Just City.
    – Monica Cellio♦
    yesterday










  • To be clear, in your world you have two family structures that are not common in our world. 1. In the witch country, you have the whole clan marriage. (I assume this means that once married into a clan, the guy could father children with anyone in the clan?) 2. Elsewhere there is no marriage, or if there is it is not a defining feature of a family. Instead people have children with whomever they deem appropriate. In both cases the children belong to the household of the mother's clan and are raised by that clan with male role models not being their biological father but all males of the clan.
    – Mr.Mindor
    15 hours ago












  • 4




    check out some Ursula K Le Guin stories
    – Anentropic
    yesterday






  • 13




    This is not as radical in SFF settings as you seem to think - the differently-tabooed society is practically a trope on its own. Just do it. If you feel the need for an explanation vehicle you can have an older member of the society lecturing younger ones on the correct behaviour.
    – pjc50
    yesterday






  • 4




    The nuclear family appeared fairly late in human history, and is an inefficient way of raising children. Its only function is to (try to) connect paternity to resources spent on or inherited by children, so a matriarchal society that still has nuclear families would make no sense.
    – Simon Richter
    yesterday







  • 3




    Examples: line marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress; assigned mating pairs with weak connections to kids in The Just City.
    – Monica Cellio♦
    yesterday










  • To be clear, in your world you have two family structures that are not common in our world. 1. In the witch country, you have the whole clan marriage. (I assume this means that once married into a clan, the guy could father children with anyone in the clan?) 2. Elsewhere there is no marriage, or if there is it is not a defining feature of a family. Instead people have children with whomever they deem appropriate. In both cases the children belong to the household of the mother's clan and are raised by that clan with male role models not being their biological father but all males of the clan.
    – Mr.Mindor
    15 hours ago







4




4




check out some Ursula K Le Guin stories
– Anentropic
yesterday




check out some Ursula K Le Guin stories
– Anentropic
yesterday




13




13




This is not as radical in SFF settings as you seem to think - the differently-tabooed society is practically a trope on its own. Just do it. If you feel the need for an explanation vehicle you can have an older member of the society lecturing younger ones on the correct behaviour.
– pjc50
yesterday




This is not as radical in SFF settings as you seem to think - the differently-tabooed society is practically a trope on its own. Just do it. If you feel the need for an explanation vehicle you can have an older member of the society lecturing younger ones on the correct behaviour.
– pjc50
yesterday




4




4




The nuclear family appeared fairly late in human history, and is an inefficient way of raising children. Its only function is to (try to) connect paternity to resources spent on or inherited by children, so a matriarchal society that still has nuclear families would make no sense.
– Simon Richter
yesterday





The nuclear family appeared fairly late in human history, and is an inefficient way of raising children. Its only function is to (try to) connect paternity to resources spent on or inherited by children, so a matriarchal society that still has nuclear families would make no sense.
– Simon Richter
yesterday





3




3




Examples: line marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress; assigned mating pairs with weak connections to kids in The Just City.
– Monica Cellio♦
yesterday




Examples: line marriages in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress; assigned mating pairs with weak connections to kids in The Just City.
– Monica Cellio♦
yesterday












To be clear, in your world you have two family structures that are not common in our world. 1. In the witch country, you have the whole clan marriage. (I assume this means that once married into a clan, the guy could father children with anyone in the clan?) 2. Elsewhere there is no marriage, or if there is it is not a defining feature of a family. Instead people have children with whomever they deem appropriate. In both cases the children belong to the household of the mother's clan and are raised by that clan with male role models not being their biological father but all males of the clan.
– Mr.Mindor
15 hours ago




To be clear, in your world you have two family structures that are not common in our world. 1. In the witch country, you have the whole clan marriage. (I assume this means that once married into a clan, the guy could father children with anyone in the clan?) 2. Elsewhere there is no marriage, or if there is it is not a defining feature of a family. Instead people have children with whomever they deem appropriate. In both cases the children belong to the household of the mother's clan and are raised by that clan with male role models not being their biological father but all males of the clan.
– Mr.Mindor
15 hours ago










5 Answers
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up vote
32
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The reader doesn't have to agree with the setting of your story: he just has to understand it.



I'll basically answer with a longer version of "show, don't tell".
Our society may look down on extramarital affairs and multiple partners, but the reader has to understand that this is not our society.



Since the covens-clans are a big part of your setting, you should give yourself time to describe them, exploring every nook and cranny of their culture before moving on with the actual plot. Better still, show this through the actions and thoughts of your characters.



Your characters were born in your society: for them, this matriarchal structure is the norm. It will become normal for the reader too, since the reader "perceives" the story through the eyes of the characters (or through your external narrator, if you're using that).



Of course, it will be strange at first: things will happen that the reader won't understand outright. You may open the very first chapter with the fifth marriage of a powerful witch, with the four previous husbands attending the event like it's completely normal.




A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.




So, uncles are the real fatherly figure of your world. You may show how children seek this figure and tend to suffer when it's not there. The term "uncle" doesn't indicate a strong emotional bond and "mother's brother" is a clunky definition, so you could create another term relevant to your society and make characters use it:



Alice: You seem really close with Charlie.



Bob: He's my insert-term-here. Of course I am.



Alice: Ah, I didn't know. I grown up without one and it was a harsh.



Decide a set of core values for your society and keep in mind that they will influence every aspect of day-to-day life. Think your characters accordingly.



Back to the reader: if you do this well, in due time the reader will understand what the basic rules in your story are. He may still think that our society has better cultural norms, of course: but remember that you don't need to convince him.



You just need to explain how things work in your world, be coherent, and he will roll with them.
Being coherent means, for example, that men will more attached to the sons of their sisters rather than their own.



After all what you're trying to do it's not different, let's say, that authors writing about magic, high-tech sci-fi, paranormal events, incredible creatures and so on.



When you meet dragons in a fantasy book you don't jump to the conclusion "Hey, dragons ain't real, they don't exist in this world, how can they be in this story". You just acknowledge they are a thing and go on.



So it's a matter of suspension of disbelief: it will work if you can keep it.



On a side note, I wouldn't struggle to make this alternate society of yours seem like a positive thing. Like most cultural norms, it has upsides and downsides. If you show both equally, you're creating a more believable world, and the reader will be more enthralled by it.






share|improve this answer


















  • 7




    Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
    – wetcircuit
    yesterday







  • 3




    I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
    – R.M.
    yesterday






  • 3




    @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
    – Kevin
    22 hours ago










  • There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
    – Liquid
    20 hours ago

















up vote
8
down vote














How do you normalize a taboo custom in a setting that most readers would not agree with?




Carefully.




Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful.




That's it? Not mother-son incest, ripping the beating hearts from your own babies, consuming them with fava beans and a nice chianti??




How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?




While I agree with @Liquid's basic premise "the reader has to understand that this is not our society", I disagree with his method.



Ignore pre-plot explanations and just dive right in. Your readers should know that they aren't reading a novelization of Leave It To Beaver, and that Things Are Different when there is magic, covens, etc.



Treat matriarchal polyandry as normal, and -- unless you've done something obviously impossible or stupid to break Suspension Of Disbelief (and matriarchal polyandry isn't in and of itself obviously impossible or stupid in this context) -- your readers will, while being a bit puzzled, will plow ahead.



Importantly: drop bits of explanation along the way, as needed.






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  • 1




    Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
    – Liquid
    yesterday

















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4
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In reference to the Ursula K. Le Guin comment, the protagonist in The Left Hand of Darkness originates from a familiar societal context to observe an unfamiliar one. The fact that you're "on the journey" with someone from a familar setting and encountering new things along with them could help with assimilation of unfamiliar customs. To varying degrees, nearly every Star Trek episode also put its characters in such a position, so you could (re)watch those for some ideas.






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    It's possible you'll find some assistance in communities that DO have non-traditional relationship structures. On reddit, you should find helpful commentary in r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory.






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      Depends on how disturbing this custom will be seen by an average reader.



      In your case, I don't think this custom of a fictitious society will turn away any readers. Just make sure that your protagonist(s) is not advocating it.



      But in other cases, a custom may be much more disturbing (ex. cannibalism or marrying off underage girls). There, you need to step carefully, avoiding graphic details (this may depend on your genre, though), and maybe making your protagonist(s) an opponent of this practice.






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        5 Answers
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        5 Answers
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        up vote
        32
        down vote













        The reader doesn't have to agree with the setting of your story: he just has to understand it.



        I'll basically answer with a longer version of "show, don't tell".
        Our society may look down on extramarital affairs and multiple partners, but the reader has to understand that this is not our society.



        Since the covens-clans are a big part of your setting, you should give yourself time to describe them, exploring every nook and cranny of their culture before moving on with the actual plot. Better still, show this through the actions and thoughts of your characters.



        Your characters were born in your society: for them, this matriarchal structure is the norm. It will become normal for the reader too, since the reader "perceives" the story through the eyes of the characters (or through your external narrator, if you're using that).



        Of course, it will be strange at first: things will happen that the reader won't understand outright. You may open the very first chapter with the fifth marriage of a powerful witch, with the four previous husbands attending the event like it's completely normal.




        A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.




        So, uncles are the real fatherly figure of your world. You may show how children seek this figure and tend to suffer when it's not there. The term "uncle" doesn't indicate a strong emotional bond and "mother's brother" is a clunky definition, so you could create another term relevant to your society and make characters use it:



        Alice: You seem really close with Charlie.



        Bob: He's my insert-term-here. Of course I am.



        Alice: Ah, I didn't know. I grown up without one and it was a harsh.



        Decide a set of core values for your society and keep in mind that they will influence every aspect of day-to-day life. Think your characters accordingly.



        Back to the reader: if you do this well, in due time the reader will understand what the basic rules in your story are. He may still think that our society has better cultural norms, of course: but remember that you don't need to convince him.



        You just need to explain how things work in your world, be coherent, and he will roll with them.
        Being coherent means, for example, that men will more attached to the sons of their sisters rather than their own.



        After all what you're trying to do it's not different, let's say, that authors writing about magic, high-tech sci-fi, paranormal events, incredible creatures and so on.



        When you meet dragons in a fantasy book you don't jump to the conclusion "Hey, dragons ain't real, they don't exist in this world, how can they be in this story". You just acknowledge they are a thing and go on.



        So it's a matter of suspension of disbelief: it will work if you can keep it.



        On a side note, I wouldn't struggle to make this alternate society of yours seem like a positive thing. Like most cultural norms, it has upsides and downsides. If you show both equally, you're creating a more believable world, and the reader will be more enthralled by it.






        share|improve this answer


















        • 7




          Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
          – wetcircuit
          yesterday







        • 3




          I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
          – R.M.
          yesterday






        • 3




          @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
          – Kevin
          22 hours ago










        • There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
          – Liquid
          20 hours ago














        up vote
        32
        down vote













        The reader doesn't have to agree with the setting of your story: he just has to understand it.



        I'll basically answer with a longer version of "show, don't tell".
        Our society may look down on extramarital affairs and multiple partners, but the reader has to understand that this is not our society.



        Since the covens-clans are a big part of your setting, you should give yourself time to describe them, exploring every nook and cranny of their culture before moving on with the actual plot. Better still, show this through the actions and thoughts of your characters.



        Your characters were born in your society: for them, this matriarchal structure is the norm. It will become normal for the reader too, since the reader "perceives" the story through the eyes of the characters (or through your external narrator, if you're using that).



        Of course, it will be strange at first: things will happen that the reader won't understand outright. You may open the very first chapter with the fifth marriage of a powerful witch, with the four previous husbands attending the event like it's completely normal.




        A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.




        So, uncles are the real fatherly figure of your world. You may show how children seek this figure and tend to suffer when it's not there. The term "uncle" doesn't indicate a strong emotional bond and "mother's brother" is a clunky definition, so you could create another term relevant to your society and make characters use it:



        Alice: You seem really close with Charlie.



        Bob: He's my insert-term-here. Of course I am.



        Alice: Ah, I didn't know. I grown up without one and it was a harsh.



        Decide a set of core values for your society and keep in mind that they will influence every aspect of day-to-day life. Think your characters accordingly.



        Back to the reader: if you do this well, in due time the reader will understand what the basic rules in your story are. He may still think that our society has better cultural norms, of course: but remember that you don't need to convince him.



        You just need to explain how things work in your world, be coherent, and he will roll with them.
        Being coherent means, for example, that men will more attached to the sons of their sisters rather than their own.



        After all what you're trying to do it's not different, let's say, that authors writing about magic, high-tech sci-fi, paranormal events, incredible creatures and so on.



        When you meet dragons in a fantasy book you don't jump to the conclusion "Hey, dragons ain't real, they don't exist in this world, how can they be in this story". You just acknowledge they are a thing and go on.



        So it's a matter of suspension of disbelief: it will work if you can keep it.



        On a side note, I wouldn't struggle to make this alternate society of yours seem like a positive thing. Like most cultural norms, it has upsides and downsides. If you show both equally, you're creating a more believable world, and the reader will be more enthralled by it.






        share|improve this answer


















        • 7




          Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
          – wetcircuit
          yesterday







        • 3




          I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
          – R.M.
          yesterday






        • 3




          @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
          – Kevin
          22 hours ago










        • There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
          – Liquid
          20 hours ago












        up vote
        32
        down vote










        up vote
        32
        down vote









        The reader doesn't have to agree with the setting of your story: he just has to understand it.



        I'll basically answer with a longer version of "show, don't tell".
        Our society may look down on extramarital affairs and multiple partners, but the reader has to understand that this is not our society.



        Since the covens-clans are a big part of your setting, you should give yourself time to describe them, exploring every nook and cranny of their culture before moving on with the actual plot. Better still, show this through the actions and thoughts of your characters.



        Your characters were born in your society: for them, this matriarchal structure is the norm. It will become normal for the reader too, since the reader "perceives" the story through the eyes of the characters (or through your external narrator, if you're using that).



        Of course, it will be strange at first: things will happen that the reader won't understand outright. You may open the very first chapter with the fifth marriage of a powerful witch, with the four previous husbands attending the event like it's completely normal.




        A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.




        So, uncles are the real fatherly figure of your world. You may show how children seek this figure and tend to suffer when it's not there. The term "uncle" doesn't indicate a strong emotional bond and "mother's brother" is a clunky definition, so you could create another term relevant to your society and make characters use it:



        Alice: You seem really close with Charlie.



        Bob: He's my insert-term-here. Of course I am.



        Alice: Ah, I didn't know. I grown up without one and it was a harsh.



        Decide a set of core values for your society and keep in mind that they will influence every aspect of day-to-day life. Think your characters accordingly.



        Back to the reader: if you do this well, in due time the reader will understand what the basic rules in your story are. He may still think that our society has better cultural norms, of course: but remember that you don't need to convince him.



        You just need to explain how things work in your world, be coherent, and he will roll with them.
        Being coherent means, for example, that men will more attached to the sons of their sisters rather than their own.



        After all what you're trying to do it's not different, let's say, that authors writing about magic, high-tech sci-fi, paranormal events, incredible creatures and so on.



        When you meet dragons in a fantasy book you don't jump to the conclusion "Hey, dragons ain't real, they don't exist in this world, how can they be in this story". You just acknowledge they are a thing and go on.



        So it's a matter of suspension of disbelief: it will work if you can keep it.



        On a side note, I wouldn't struggle to make this alternate society of yours seem like a positive thing. Like most cultural norms, it has upsides and downsides. If you show both equally, you're creating a more believable world, and the reader will be more enthralled by it.






        share|improve this answer














        The reader doesn't have to agree with the setting of your story: he just has to understand it.



        I'll basically answer with a longer version of "show, don't tell".
        Our society may look down on extramarital affairs and multiple partners, but the reader has to understand that this is not our society.



        Since the covens-clans are a big part of your setting, you should give yourself time to describe them, exploring every nook and cranny of their culture before moving on with the actual plot. Better still, show this through the actions and thoughts of your characters.



        Your characters were born in your society: for them, this matriarchal structure is the norm. It will become normal for the reader too, since the reader "perceives" the story through the eyes of the characters (or through your external narrator, if you're using that).



        Of course, it will be strange at first: things will happen that the reader won't understand outright. You may open the very first chapter with the fifth marriage of a powerful witch, with the four previous husbands attending the event like it's completely normal.




        A mother's brother is considered the true fathers of their children, and spend more time raising them than a biological dad.




        So, uncles are the real fatherly figure of your world. You may show how children seek this figure and tend to suffer when it's not there. The term "uncle" doesn't indicate a strong emotional bond and "mother's brother" is a clunky definition, so you could create another term relevant to your society and make characters use it:



        Alice: You seem really close with Charlie.



        Bob: He's my insert-term-here. Of course I am.



        Alice: Ah, I didn't know. I grown up without one and it was a harsh.



        Decide a set of core values for your society and keep in mind that they will influence every aspect of day-to-day life. Think your characters accordingly.



        Back to the reader: if you do this well, in due time the reader will understand what the basic rules in your story are. He may still think that our society has better cultural norms, of course: but remember that you don't need to convince him.



        You just need to explain how things work in your world, be coherent, and he will roll with them.
        Being coherent means, for example, that men will more attached to the sons of their sisters rather than their own.



        After all what you're trying to do it's not different, let's say, that authors writing about magic, high-tech sci-fi, paranormal events, incredible creatures and so on.



        When you meet dragons in a fantasy book you don't jump to the conclusion "Hey, dragons ain't real, they don't exist in this world, how can they be in this story". You just acknowledge they are a thing and go on.



        So it's a matter of suspension of disbelief: it will work if you can keep it.



        On a side note, I wouldn't struggle to make this alternate society of yours seem like a positive thing. Like most cultural norms, it has upsides and downsides. If you show both equally, you're creating a more believable world, and the reader will be more enthralled by it.







        share|improve this answer














        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer








        edited yesterday

























        answered yesterday









        Liquid

        2,484525




        2,484525







        • 7




          Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
          – wetcircuit
          yesterday







        • 3




          I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
          – R.M.
          yesterday






        • 3




          @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
          – Kevin
          22 hours ago










        • There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
          – Liquid
          20 hours ago












        • 7




          Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
          – wetcircuit
          yesterday







        • 3




          I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
          – R.M.
          yesterday






        • 3




          @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
          – Kevin
          22 hours ago










        • There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
          – Liquid
          20 hours ago







        7




        7




        Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
        – wetcircuit
        yesterday





        Your last paragraph covers my answer, so I won't bother…: don't invent a Utopia and then justify it with an unorthodox system (sounds like preaching), instead start with the system diverging from "normal" and try to follow the logical possibilities (who resists the system? who benefits?) into subsequent generations where it becomes more and more normal, and the old system become more foreign.
        – wetcircuit
        yesterday





        3




        3




        I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
        – R.M.
        yesterday




        I mostly agree with what you write, but don't delay the plot to worldbuild -- readers will easily get bored with it. Yes, establish it well before it becomes relevant, but do so in the process of moving the plot forward, not before launching the plot. Also, making up nonce terms should be done sparingly. You'll need a lot of effort to make svar'thlax meaningful to readers -- probably more than it would actually take to make "uncle" have the same relevance. (Though the show-don't-tell you suggest is a good way to point out it has deeper meaning than the real-world term would suggest.)
        – R.M.
        yesterday




        3




        3




        @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
        – Kevin
        22 hours ago




        @R.M.: Nonce terms can be a good thing or a bad thing, see for example Anathem (which both camps will happily hold up as supporting their viewpoint!).
        – Kevin
        22 hours ago












        There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
        – Liquid
        20 hours ago




        There's a lot to be said on the use of nonces (and on the balance between worldbuilding and plot), enough to fill whole other questions - and I certainly am not expert! I'm glad my answer was mostly a good one, tho.
        – Liquid
        20 hours ago










        up vote
        8
        down vote














        How do you normalize a taboo custom in a setting that most readers would not agree with?




        Carefully.




        Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful.




        That's it? Not mother-son incest, ripping the beating hearts from your own babies, consuming them with fava beans and a nice chianti??




        How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?




        While I agree with @Liquid's basic premise "the reader has to understand that this is not our society", I disagree with his method.



        Ignore pre-plot explanations and just dive right in. Your readers should know that they aren't reading a novelization of Leave It To Beaver, and that Things Are Different when there is magic, covens, etc.



        Treat matriarchal polyandry as normal, and -- unless you've done something obviously impossible or stupid to break Suspension Of Disbelief (and matriarchal polyandry isn't in and of itself obviously impossible or stupid in this context) -- your readers will, while being a bit puzzled, will plow ahead.



        Importantly: drop bits of explanation along the way, as needed.






        share|improve this answer


















        • 1




          Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
          – Liquid
          yesterday














        up vote
        8
        down vote














        How do you normalize a taboo custom in a setting that most readers would not agree with?




        Carefully.




        Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful.




        That's it? Not mother-son incest, ripping the beating hearts from your own babies, consuming them with fava beans and a nice chianti??




        How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?




        While I agree with @Liquid's basic premise "the reader has to understand that this is not our society", I disagree with his method.



        Ignore pre-plot explanations and just dive right in. Your readers should know that they aren't reading a novelization of Leave It To Beaver, and that Things Are Different when there is magic, covens, etc.



        Treat matriarchal polyandry as normal, and -- unless you've done something obviously impossible or stupid to break Suspension Of Disbelief (and matriarchal polyandry isn't in and of itself obviously impossible or stupid in this context) -- your readers will, while being a bit puzzled, will plow ahead.



        Importantly: drop bits of explanation along the way, as needed.






        share|improve this answer


















        • 1




          Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
          – Liquid
          yesterday












        up vote
        8
        down vote










        up vote
        8
        down vote










        How do you normalize a taboo custom in a setting that most readers would not agree with?




        Carefully.




        Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful.




        That's it? Not mother-son incest, ripping the beating hearts from your own babies, consuming them with fava beans and a nice chianti??




        How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?




        While I agree with @Liquid's basic premise "the reader has to understand that this is not our society", I disagree with his method.



        Ignore pre-plot explanations and just dive right in. Your readers should know that they aren't reading a novelization of Leave It To Beaver, and that Things Are Different when there is magic, covens, etc.



        Treat matriarchal polyandry as normal, and -- unless you've done something obviously impossible or stupid to break Suspension Of Disbelief (and matriarchal polyandry isn't in and of itself obviously impossible or stupid in this context) -- your readers will, while being a bit puzzled, will plow ahead.



        Importantly: drop bits of explanation along the way, as needed.






        share|improve this answer















        How do you normalize a taboo custom in a setting that most readers would not agree with?




        Carefully.




        Extramarital affairs and multiple partners are looked down on, and having multiple father's to your children is shameful.




        That's it? Not mother-son incest, ripping the beating hearts from your own babies, consuming them with fava beans and a nice chianti??




        How do you make it completely normal and a positive thing when the reader most likely has a different experience?




        While I agree with @Liquid's basic premise "the reader has to understand that this is not our society", I disagree with his method.



        Ignore pre-plot explanations and just dive right in. Your readers should know that they aren't reading a novelization of Leave It To Beaver, and that Things Are Different when there is magic, covens, etc.



        Treat matriarchal polyandry as normal, and -- unless you've done something obviously impossible or stupid to break Suspension Of Disbelief (and matriarchal polyandry isn't in and of itself obviously impossible or stupid in this context) -- your readers will, while being a bit puzzled, will plow ahead.



        Importantly: drop bits of explanation along the way, as needed.







        share|improve this answer














        share|improve this answer



        share|improve this answer








        edited yesterday

























        answered yesterday









        RonJohn

        21314




        21314







        • 1




          Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
          – Liquid
          yesterday












        • 1




          Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
          – Liquid
          yesterday







        1




        1




        Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
        – Liquid
        yesterday




        Seeing that I agree with your answer, I must have written poorly mine. I'm totally against pre-plot suggestions and info dumps. Anyway, +1
        – Liquid
        yesterday










        up vote
        4
        down vote













        In reference to the Ursula K. Le Guin comment, the protagonist in The Left Hand of Darkness originates from a familiar societal context to observe an unfamiliar one. The fact that you're "on the journey" with someone from a familar setting and encountering new things along with them could help with assimilation of unfamiliar customs. To varying degrees, nearly every Star Trek episode also put its characters in such a position, so you could (re)watch those for some ideas.






        share|improve this answer
























          up vote
          4
          down vote













          In reference to the Ursula K. Le Guin comment, the protagonist in The Left Hand of Darkness originates from a familiar societal context to observe an unfamiliar one. The fact that you're "on the journey" with someone from a familar setting and encountering new things along with them could help with assimilation of unfamiliar customs. To varying degrees, nearly every Star Trek episode also put its characters in such a position, so you could (re)watch those for some ideas.






          share|improve this answer






















            up vote
            4
            down vote










            up vote
            4
            down vote









            In reference to the Ursula K. Le Guin comment, the protagonist in The Left Hand of Darkness originates from a familiar societal context to observe an unfamiliar one. The fact that you're "on the journey" with someone from a familar setting and encountering new things along with them could help with assimilation of unfamiliar customs. To varying degrees, nearly every Star Trek episode also put its characters in such a position, so you could (re)watch those for some ideas.






            share|improve this answer












            In reference to the Ursula K. Le Guin comment, the protagonist in The Left Hand of Darkness originates from a familiar societal context to observe an unfamiliar one. The fact that you're "on the journey" with someone from a familar setting and encountering new things along with them could help with assimilation of unfamiliar customs. To varying degrees, nearly every Star Trek episode also put its characters in such a position, so you could (re)watch those for some ideas.







            share|improve this answer












            share|improve this answer



            share|improve this answer










            answered 23 hours ago









            user117529

            1512




            1512




















                up vote
                1
                down vote













                It's possible you'll find some assistance in communities that DO have non-traditional relationship structures. On reddit, you should find helpful commentary in r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory.






                share|improve this answer








                New contributor




                Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                Check out our Code of Conduct.





















                  up vote
                  1
                  down vote













                  It's possible you'll find some assistance in communities that DO have non-traditional relationship structures. On reddit, you should find helpful commentary in r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                  Check out our Code of Conduct.



















                    up vote
                    1
                    down vote










                    up vote
                    1
                    down vote









                    It's possible you'll find some assistance in communities that DO have non-traditional relationship structures. On reddit, you should find helpful commentary in r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory.






                    share|improve this answer








                    New contributor




                    Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.









                    It's possible you'll find some assistance in communities that DO have non-traditional relationship structures. On reddit, you should find helpful commentary in r/nonmonogamy and r/polyamory.







                    share|improve this answer








                    New contributor




                    Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.









                    share|improve this answer



                    share|improve this answer






                    New contributor




                    Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.









                    answered 8 hours ago









                    Oz Stickman

                    111




                    111




                    New contributor




                    Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.





                    New contributor





                    Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.






                    Oz Stickman is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
                    Check out our Code of Conduct.




















                        up vote
                        0
                        down vote













                        Depends on how disturbing this custom will be seen by an average reader.



                        In your case, I don't think this custom of a fictitious society will turn away any readers. Just make sure that your protagonist(s) is not advocating it.



                        But in other cases, a custom may be much more disturbing (ex. cannibalism or marrying off underage girls). There, you need to step carefully, avoiding graphic details (this may depend on your genre, though), and maybe making your protagonist(s) an opponent of this practice.






                        share|improve this answer
























                          up vote
                          0
                          down vote













                          Depends on how disturbing this custom will be seen by an average reader.



                          In your case, I don't think this custom of a fictitious society will turn away any readers. Just make sure that your protagonist(s) is not advocating it.



                          But in other cases, a custom may be much more disturbing (ex. cannibalism or marrying off underage girls). There, you need to step carefully, avoiding graphic details (this may depend on your genre, though), and maybe making your protagonist(s) an opponent of this practice.






                          share|improve this answer






















                            up vote
                            0
                            down vote










                            up vote
                            0
                            down vote









                            Depends on how disturbing this custom will be seen by an average reader.



                            In your case, I don't think this custom of a fictitious society will turn away any readers. Just make sure that your protagonist(s) is not advocating it.



                            But in other cases, a custom may be much more disturbing (ex. cannibalism or marrying off underage girls). There, you need to step carefully, avoiding graphic details (this may depend on your genre, though), and maybe making your protagonist(s) an opponent of this practice.






                            share|improve this answer












                            Depends on how disturbing this custom will be seen by an average reader.



                            In your case, I don't think this custom of a fictitious society will turn away any readers. Just make sure that your protagonist(s) is not advocating it.



                            But in other cases, a custom may be much more disturbing (ex. cannibalism or marrying off underage girls). There, you need to step carefully, avoiding graphic details (this may depend on your genre, though), and maybe making your protagonist(s) an opponent of this practice.







                            share|improve this answer












                            share|improve this answer



                            share|improve this answer










                            answered 8 hours ago









                            Alexander

                            2,905211




                            2,905211



























                                 

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