No named Old Man
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I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.
fiction characters third-person
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
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up vote
15
down vote
favorite
I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.
fiction characters third-person
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
2
Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
15
down vote
favorite
up vote
15
down vote
favorite
I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.
fiction characters third-person
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.
fiction characters third-person
fiction characters third-person
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
asked yesterday
Kalama Xander
7614
7614
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
2
Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
yesterday
add a comment |
2
Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
yesterday
2
2
Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
yesterday
Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
yesterday
add a comment |
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
up vote
30
down vote
Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:
X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.
Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
add a comment |
up vote
25
down vote
Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.
Example:
"Nothing gives you the right to do this."
Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.
"How?..." Old Man asked him.
Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
And so on...
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
3
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
13
down vote
I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
1
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
3
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
9
down vote
You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."
answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
New contributor
Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
up vote
0
down vote
I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?
Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.
I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
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Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
5 Answers
5
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
30
down vote
Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:
X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.
Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
add a comment |
up vote
30
down vote
Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:
X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.
Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
add a comment |
up vote
30
down vote
up vote
30
down vote
Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:
X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.
Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:
X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.
Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
answered yesterday
Ash
5,191532
5,191532
add a comment |
add a comment |
up vote
25
down vote
Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.
Example:
"Nothing gives you the right to do this."
Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.
"How?..." Old Man asked him.
Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
And so on...
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
3
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
25
down vote
Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.
Example:
"Nothing gives you the right to do this."
Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.
"How?..." Old Man asked him.
Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
And so on...
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
3
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
25
down vote
up vote
25
down vote
Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.
Example:
"Nothing gives you the right to do this."
Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.
"How?..." Old Man asked him.
Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
And so on...
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.
Example:
"Nothing gives you the right to do this."
Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.
"How?..." Old Man asked him.
Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
And so on...
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
answered yesterday
Cyn
2,191321
2,191321
3
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
add a comment |
3
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
3
3
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
+1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
– Crettig
yesterday
add a comment |
up vote
13
down vote
I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
1
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
3
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
13
down vote
I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
1
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
3
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
13
down vote
up vote
13
down vote
I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
answered yesterday
Kale Slade
783222
783222
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
1
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
3
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
add a comment |
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
1
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
3
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
8 hours ago
1
1
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
– Kevin
8 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
@Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
– Lightness Races in Orbit
7 hours ago
3
3
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
@LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
– Kevin
7 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
9
down vote
You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."
answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
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Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
up vote
9
down vote
You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."
answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
New contributor
Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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add a comment |
up vote
9
down vote
up vote
9
down vote
You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."
answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
New contributor
Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."
answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
New contributor
Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
New contributor
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answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
answered yesterday
Robert Frost
1912
1912
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New contributor
Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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add a comment |
add a comment |
up vote
0
down vote
I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?
Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.
I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
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Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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add a comment |
up vote
0
down vote
I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?
Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.
I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
New contributor
Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
add a comment |
up vote
0
down vote
up vote
0
down vote
I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?
Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.
I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
New contributor
Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?
Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.
I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
New contributor
Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
New contributor
Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
answered 14 hours ago
Anita Alig
11
11
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Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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New contributor
Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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add a comment |
Kalama Xander is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Kalama Xander is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
yesterday